Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Soulgasm: I want to be a Christian Too!

You can't make this stuff up...
Right road to 'soulgasm'
U.S. evangelicals mix hot sex at home with repressive political agenda
"Ok, honey, I've averted my eyes from other women all day, now take off your clothes, 'cause we're gonna do it now!"

Yeah, I like that idea! No romance, no foreplay, no consideration for how my wife's day went or how she's feeling, she's mine, all the time! Sex all day, every day? I think I'll become a Christian! Oh, wait, my wife is Jewish. Darn!

Apparently this group finally realized that men love sex (duh?), but they also love looking at women with lust (duh!). They've been telling men for a couple thousand years that these impure thoughts would send them to hell, but men just keep looking. After all, a quick glance at that cleavage ... God's not going to send me to hell just for that is He?

So they added a new trick: Combine aversion therapy – training men to look away instantly, just as you'd pull your hand from a hot stove – but mitigate the damage by "decriminalizing" sex toys and wild, uninhibited sex. Oh, and by the way, the woman has to become a virtual sex slave to her husband if this is going to work...

The Christian vilification of sex, and sexual enslavement of women, rages on unabated, they've just added this new twist: They've learned the hard way that abstinence is unpopular. Their new memes, which I predict will spread rapidly, are a Christian man's dream: His wife has to submit to his sexual needs 24/7, to "become like a 'merciful vial of methadone for him' by being constantly sexually available." What does the guy have to do to get this subjugation from his wife? He has to pretend he doesn't look at other women. Duh.

3 comments:

  1. Well that is a very logical evolution for the religions that promote monogamy. With the advent of the internet, major religions will likely incorporate/accept more perversions. It is a survival trait, obviously people that have more sex will create more practitioners of the religion. For example, look at the religion which promotes use of the Kama Sutra and sex as an everyday activity.

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  2. Oh my motherfucking god...

    I am so glad I am no longer a Christian.

    "All sexual fantasies must be reported immediately to a member of the staff" who will then proceed to masturbate to it.

    And I can just picture what will happen to the poor chaste fighters of Every Man's Battle: "Honey, all day long I have been denying my animalistic tenancies to fantasize about women. As a reward for my loyalty, you may now suck me off."

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  3. well andrea i wouldn't mind sucking you off ;) seriosly tho
    this whole religion is good for hot sex thing is only true if you are into cosplay and like being the dirty nun or preist (insert generic pedophilic preist joke here) but for real real christans are the most promiscuis debauched people i know they say no adultery then proceed to be the latent homosexual pervs they really are

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