Dear Pat Robertson,What can I say? The author says it all. Not only is Pat Robertson mean spirited and ignorant of science, he also doesn't even know his theology. Who would have guessed?
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating.
I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle.
Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox – that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it – I'm just saying: Not how I roll.
You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings – just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.
Best, Satan
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Pat Robertson on Haiti: Bad Theology Too!
I thought I was done with Pat Robertson, but I found this, and it's so good I just have to share it. It's a letter to the editor (the actual author is Lily Coyle of Minneapolis). Enjoy!
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Dear readers -- I am no longer blogging and after leaving these blogs open for two years have finally stopped accepting comments due to spammers. Thanks for your interest. If you'd like to write to me, click on the "Contact" link at the top. Thanks! -- CJ.
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Great letter, Satan. You should chat with Pat Robertson more often.
ReplyDeleteReligion may not be known for being consistent, but wouldn't it be more fitting for Reverend Pat to blame Haiti's troubles on voodoo?
I guess when Christian nations get struck with catastrophe, it's God's love. When non-Christians get the shaft, it's God's hate.
Let me ask again: how can I get rich and famous by being a big fat loudmouth? Pat and his pals make it look so easy!
@Sarah,
ReplyDeleteI think Pat's point is basically the vain/egotistical point that virtually every religion makes: that he (they) know the true word/will of god and other religions are the work of the devil. Voodoo then would be simply another aspect of the devils work.