Press Release: Homeopaths Admit it was a Joke, Apologize

Today, in a stunning announcement, the North American Society of Homeopaths (NASH) admitted that the whole field of medicine called homeopathy was a big joke that got out of hand. "We were surprised how many people fell for it," said Manfred Mueller, NASH president, "I mean, who could seriously believe that some herb, diluted a thousand times less than a thimble-full mixed up in the Earth's oceans, could actually do anything?"

Liz Bonfig, Executive Director, told reporters that the joke all came apart when the British Parliament's report from the Science and Technology Committee finally came out. "We knew people would catch on one day, but the joke went on for years and years. Who would have thought we could keep it up this long?"

But with the Parliament's report, and the British government's recommendation to stop funding homeopathy, it was too hard to look patients in the eye without bursting out laughing. "We've been keeping a straight face for too long now, it was time to have a good laugh," said Bonfig.

Reporters grilled Mueller about all the money that patients had spent over the years, and especially the lives that may have been lost when people who might have been cured of serious disease instead turned to homeopathy. "Well, you pay for cable TV, for the circus, and to go on thrill rides, right? Why not for a good joke?" As to the deaths, Mueller seemed reluctant to address the question, and diverted it, simply saying, "Nobody died who didn't have a fatal condition to start with, did they? Besides, a little humor when death is at your door is always welcome."

At a homeopathy clinic in Mobile, Alabama, some patients who hadn't heard the news seemed taken aback when a reporter questioned them. "I don't really appreciate being the butt of their joke," said Maybelle O'Connor, "I mean, down here we say, screw 'em if they can't take a joke, but this went on pretty long." Other patients thought the whole thing was pretty funny, and headed out the door in good spirits.

When asked where the tens of thousands of homeopathic practitioners would go for employment, Mueller said they were working with the global-warming skeptics to find positions for their members. "It's a perfect fit, another big joke. Global-warming deniers have been pulling off their joke for years now, and our members will be excellent advocates."

Mueller also mentioned that a number of banks were looking to hire the former homeopaths. "Banks need someone who can make some poor schmuck whose house is foreclosing feel guilty about how he's being dishonest. It takes real character to say that without laughing out loud, and our homeopathic practitioners have a proven track record."