Monday, May 16, 2011

Bin Laden is Not in Hell After All

An open letter to America...

Dear America,

I'm writing to tell you of a terrible misunderstanding. I know that most of you (two thirds, according to The Public Religion Research Institute) are happy now that Osama bin Laden is burning in Hell. It took us a while to catch bin Laden, but we did it! We finally dispatched him off to his judgement day. And now most of you think Osama bin Laden is suffering in death the way he made others suffer in life.

Sadly, I have to report that Osama bin Laden isn't in Hell suffering. It's all a big lie. Osama bin Laden is not enduring everlasting pain and suffering. He's just dead. After he died, his brain simply stopped working. He's not feeling any pain. In fact, Osama bin Laden doesn't even exist any more.

Even worse, Osama bin Laden didn't suffer in death. He died almost instantly. OK, maybe the Navy Seal who shot him took the body shot first, so the world's worst terrorist felt intense pain briefly. But I'll bet it was less than a second or two between the first shot and the second, and that Navy Seal's shot to bin Laden's head destroyed his entire brain instantly.

You see, America, those supersonic rifle bullets don't just make a hole in their target. They send a supersonic shockwave through flesh that turns it into hamburger instantly. Osama bin Laden's suffering was limited to maybe ten or fifteen minutes of worry and fear as the Navy Seals invaded his compound, followed by one or two seconds of pain. End of story.

There was no justice for Osama bin Laden. The only thing to rejoice is that he can't do any more evil. And perhaps with his death, his network of terrorists will fall apart and become just another part of history.

Heaven and Hell are false comforts. They make us put things off that we should take care of while we're alive. I don't know if there could ever be justice for someone like Osama bin Laden. His crimes were too great. But America, stop fooling yourself. Osama bin Laden is dead and gone, and he will never pay for his crimes.

I'm sorry to have to bring this news to you, America. I know how much comfort you get from believing that no matter how bad things are here on Earth, God will balance the scales once we reach the afterlife. But it's just not true.

Sometimes bad things happen, and the scales never balance. That's just the way the Universe works.



  1. Here's where you're wrong Craig - he is time sharing in the Hindu and Scientology Hells first. Then onto the Christian hell. At least that's what I calculated.

  2. Thanks again Craig. I enjoy your articles. You tend to make clear what I'm already thinking.

  3. Steven Hawking has been making the news with his latest brilliance.

    "I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark."

  4. other option, is since he believed in Ala, therefore he must he in muslim Heaven, that just goes to prove how stupid is religion


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