Danger! Pink Ouija Boards Corrupting Little Girls!

Here is another idiotic boycott of Toys 'R' Us and Hasbro by a Christian group. This one is about Pink Ouija Boards ... remember those? Remember how you and your 12-year-old friends used to get together in a dim room on a spooky, rainy night and scare yourselves? Great fun!

Toymaker Hasbro is now making a pink Ouija board, targeted at girls. The ads say, "It has always been mysterious. It has always been mystifying. And now the OUIJA Board is just for you, girl." They even updated it with a pack of questions for modern adolescent girls, like, "Who will call/text me next?"

Good marketing, if you ask me!

But wait! Didn't Hasbro realize that Ouija boards use real demons to answer your question?

Here's what Susan Brinkmann of Living His Life Abundantly International has to say:

Brinkmann points to the testimony of New York City policeman Ralph Sarchie, who has routinely assisted at exorcisms, and who says "innocent" board games like the Ouija board are immensely dangerous.

"There ought to be a law against these evil, occult 'toys,'" wrote Sarchie in his book "Beware the Night." "I can hear some of you out there saying, "Hey, I used a Ouija board and nothing happened." Consider yourself lucky, then. It's like playing Russian roulette. When you put the gun to your head, if you don't hear a loud noise, you made it. Same thing with the board: The more times you pull the trigger, the more likely that on the next shot, your entire world will go black."

Seriously, people.

It's just a game, and every adult knows how it works. Did you ever try to ask the Ouija board just one question that nobody in the room could possibly answer? Funny thing, the Ouija board doesn't know the answer either.

I guess for people who believe that there is a God and a bunch of saints and angels and such who listen to their prayers and alter the laws of physics of the universe to make those prayers come true, it's not a very big leap of faith to believe in evil demons and spirits too. But I still wonder, why is it always evil demons and spirits who infect an Ouija board? Don't good spirits have any power? Did God create some funny twist in the laws of the universe that only lets the bad guys infect Ouija boards?

Islamic Cleric: Boycott Starbucks, it's a Jewish Front!

This just in: Starbucks is a Jewish Front! All good Muslims should boycott Starbucks worldwide, and urge all their friends and relatives to do the same!

And how does Egyptian cleric Safwat Higa know this? Why, it's right there on the Starbuck's cup: That woman in the center? Starbucks claims that she's from Greek mythology, half woman / half fish, nothing more. But cleric Safwat Higa saw right through that ruse – it's clearly Queen Esther, queen of the Jews in Persia, from the Book of Esther in the Torah!

Do any Muslim people really take this seriously? Sometimes I wonder if these sorts of proclamations are just some sort of big joke that the whole Muslim world "gets", and they are secretly amused that the rest of us take it seriously. It's like some city boy wanders into a camp of cowboys, and one old cowpoke starts telling tall tales about the wild horse that threw him thirty feet in the air, but he managed to land right back on that horse, which surprised the horse so much he stopped bucking and became the quietest, most obedient horse on the range. And the stranger is wide-eyed, amazed by this tale, while all the other cowboys are laughing up their sleeves.

Or maybe not. Maybe the cleric is serious, actually believes this. But my real bet is that this is somehow a political move, not a religious issue. Cleric Safwat Higa stands to gain something by this proclamation, or one of his rivals stands to lose something. Or perhaps it's part of the broader economic war against the Western economic invasion of Egypt. Either way, I don't believe for a second that he really thinks the Starbucks logo is Queen Esther. The man is well educated, and far too wise and clever, to believe something that silly. I may not agree with him, but I'd never make the mistake of thinking he's stupid.