Monday, October 31, 2011

Why Christianity is in Trouble: Halloween!

Christianity is in trouble, with church attendance falling and faith weakening across the nation. What are they going to do to save the faith? Well, some of the more clever conservative Christians figured out a solution: Piss off kids on Halloween! Drop Bibles and religious tracts into their candy bags! Tell them they're sinners! Halloween is devil worship!

Yeah, that's sure to pull those kids into church next Sunday.

Seriously, they're doing this. USA Today is reporting that the American Tract Society (ATS) published Peek-A-Boo, Jesus Loves You! (Yes, ATS really exists ... I always wondered where all those tracts came from.)

But up in Calgary, they're going one better. Those cheapskate ATS tracts are nothing compared to the Holy Bible that Calgary kids are going to get! And by the way, it's not Halloween, it's "Jesus-ween."

Seriously, people. Why not just take your religion out behind the barn and just bury it? It would be just as effective, and you wouldn't be annoying a bunch of innocent kids who just want to have some fun.


  1. Christians say Halloween is meant to be the Christian festival of "All Saints Day". Maybe they should just give up and accept Halloween has been taken over by the infidels these days. :)

  2. One of the reasons I simply adore Halloween is that it pisses off the religious Xians. All the more reason to love it! It's funny how Xians try to counter Halloween by handing trick-or-treaters bibles or scriptures. Colbert said this guarantees their houses will be the spookiest on the block.
    That aside, if church attendance is down, how do you explain mega-churches popping up? I mean, who's "winning" here?


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