Me? A Male Hooker? If Glenn Beck Says so, it must be true!

Wow, I just learned that I'm a hooker! A male prostitute. Glenn Beck says so! And since everyone who listens to him believes everything he says, there must be millions out there who agree – Craig A. James, the atheist blogger and author, is a hooker!

Many years ago, I was in need of some family planning advice. I'll spare you the details, but the contraception I was using wasn't suitable for my needs. My family doctor wasn't much help, so I started digging around to find a real expert. My research led me directly to Planned Parenthood. They're the specialists. That's all they do. Every one of their counselors is well versed in all aspects of family planning and reproductive health.

Well, little did I know, only hookers go to Planned Parenthood!



Never mind that all the data show that Planned Parenthood prevents far more abortions than it actually performs. Independent research shows that

Blaming God for Earthquake? Even Buddhists Do It

Here's a story I missed about the Japanese Earthquake. This happened back in March, right after the quake hit.

Although I don't share Shinto and Buddhist beliefs about karma and rebirth, I've always had a lot of respect for Eastern religions. They don't have a nasty penchant for proselytizing, and their ideas about sex and sexuality are quite reasonable. Best of all, they value learning.

But apparently they share at least one bit of craziness with evangelical nuts like Pat Roberson: a belief that human failings anger the deities that run this place, and that said deities get pissed and send earthquakes and hurricanes as punishment.

Tokyo Governor Shintaro Ishihara was the latest celebrity to make the awful assertion that the Japanese 9.0 earthquake is our fault. He said,

"We need a tsunami to wipe out egoism, which has rusted onto the mentality of Japanese over a long period of time. I think the disaster is a kind of divine punishment, although I feel sorry for disaster victims."

According to the story on ABC News, Governor Shintaro later apologized.

I hope Governor Shintaro realizes the company he is now keeping. He is in league with

Armageddon? Or Just an Earthquake?

Here we go again. God screws things up for no apparent reason, kills ten thousand, leaves hundreds of thousands homeless, and we have to clean up after him. He's angry! He's warning us!

Or ... maybe it was just another earthquake.

We need to set a new scientific standard: it's the smallest possible measurable increment of time known to science. It's defined as the almost-infinitesimal interval between when an earthquake ends and some religious ass declares it part of God's divine prophecies in the Holy Bible. Since the Japan earthquake, millions of blogs linking Japan and Biblical prophecy have popped up. It's disgusting.

Here's one of the worst, brought to you by the professional jerk known as Glenn Beck:

You can't see the connections here. I'm not saying God is causing earthquakes. I'm not not saying that either. What God does is God's business. ... But I'll tell you this. Whether you call it Gaia, or whether you call it Jesus, there's a message being sent! And that is, "Hey, you know that stuff we're doing? It's not really working out. Maybe we should stop doing some of it. *laughs* I'm just saying. ... Buckel up! Buckel up 'cause it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Beck ought to be ashamed of himself for capitalizing on the plight of the Japanese.

And so should everyone else who thinks this is Biblical prophecy. It's utter

Glenn Beck is Not a Christian?!? Another Liar's Club Nomination!

Don't you just love it when Christians start fighting about who is really a Christian? I particularly like to see the typical hair-splitting, like where the Church of Christ only sings a capella because "Jesus didn't use musical instruments" so anyone who brings a piano or organ into their church is going to be rejected by God and Jesus on judgement day. Seriously, they believe that.

But today's story is much bigger than hair splitting, because apparently Glenn Beck, the Fox News comedian, er, I mean news commentator and ultra-right-wing religious fanatic, is *gasp* a Mormon! Can you imagine that?? I mean, he's been passing himself off as a Christian!

But Bill Keller explained that:

"... the beliefs of the satanic Mormon cult are totally inconsistent with Biblical Christianity ... a person who believes in the lies of the Mormon cult is no more a Christian than a Muslim is."

And who, you might ask, is Bill Keller?

Jon Stewart skewers Glenn Beck on Beck's Israel Lies

If you haven't seen it yet, be sure to watch Jon Stewart skewering Glenn Beck about the Israel ship attack.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/06/04/stewart-slams-glenn-beck_n_600486.html

Beck shows the video of the Israeli commandos being attacked while boarding the blockade-busting ship from Turkey, and then tries to claim that Fox News is the only network "willing to show" Israel's side of the controversy. "Turn on any media out let, other than this one. They're not going to show you this!"

Stewart then goes on to show virtually EVERY other news network airing that video, including MSNBC, before Fox News!

What a hoot!

I guess in addition to being in the Liar's Club and the Hypocrites Club, Glenn Beck now gets to join an exclusive club of his own, the Dumb Reporters Who Don't Check Their Facts Club.

Of course, real reporters will object to Glenn Beck being included in their ranks. It reminds me of the old joke:

The Potato Princess came home one day and announced to the Potato King and Queen that she was engaged! To Dan Rather of 60 Minutes! She was very excited, but the King instantly put an end to her joy. "Why, you can't marry him! You're a royal potato, and he's just a commentator!"

Ok, dumb joke. But Beck is so annoying. Why can't conservative news networks get real, honest conservatives? Remember William F. Buckley? I admired him even though I disagreed with just about everything he ever said. Oh, for the good ol' days when there were conservatives worth arguing with.