Crazy Christian Preacher: Oprah is a Preacher for the AntiChrist! A Harlot Babylon!

I am speechless ... but this guy isn't!

Obama Should Read Ezekiel, Start Nuclear War in Middle East

President Obama finally made his first really serious attempt to restart the Middle East peace process. And he didn't pull any punches. After what must have been months of hard work and dozens of meetings with the best and brightest scholars and politicians in America, Obama laid out a new plan.

But uber-conservative Christian radio commentator Michael Savage has a better strategy for setting U.S. foreign policy: read Ezekiel, then start a nuclear war!

Everything you need to know about Middle East diplomacy is right there in the Bible. Savage tells us how God is on Israel's side. All of Israel's neighbors are "despicable nations" in God's eyes. "There will be a nuclear war in the Middle East, according to [Ezekiel]," says Savage. He goes on to point out that by associating with Israel's enemies, President Obama is an enemy of Israel, and therefore an enemy of God.

Not only that, but Savage seems to say that there is only one solution in the Middle East: the inevitable war that will destroy Israel's enemies. Ezekiel says it will happen, so it must be true, so bring it on! Anyone who is working toward peace in the Middle East is violating the prophecies in Ezekiel.

Let's be sure we understand Savage's theory. Ezekiel was written over 2500 years ago by a Jewish priest who almost certainly had some sort of epilepsy or other mental illness. He knew nothing of the lands beyond Israel and its neighbors. The armies of Ezekiel's time fought with swords and spears, not missiles, jet fighters, tanks and nuclear weapons. Ezekiel could no more predict what's going on today than I can predict what will happen in the year 5,000 AD.

And yet Savage believes Ezekiel's predictions are about the Middle East of 2011. And if I understand Savage's logic, Ezekiel was not writing about 2001 or 2021. Ezekiel was talking about 2011.

If Savage were in charge, he would immediately engage in a massive war. All of the nations surrounding Israel would be the enemy, and the war would only end when the enemy was completely destroyed. Yeah, that's the Bible for you. All the knowledge we'll ever need. Completely 100% moral in every regard.

It would be funny except that millions of people listen to this whack job, and those people are allowed to vote.

Maybe the reason so many Christians believe Armageddon is coming is because they would create it if they were in charge.

Woman Gave Inheritance to Doomsday Prophet, Died Before Doomsday

If you're going to give all your wealth to a doomsday prophet, you should be sure to put a money-back guarantee in your will!

Doris Schmitt loved Harold Camping and his "Family Radio" broadcasts. In case you don't remember, Camping was the doomsday prophet who claimed that the Rapture was coming on May 21st of this year. He has now revised his theory and says it's coming later ("Pay no attention to the man behind that curtain!").

So Doris left almost all of her money, several hundred thousand dollars, to Camping's Family Radio network. Unfortunately, Doris died just before the Rapture was supposed to happen. She never learned that Camping was either an idiot or a fraud.

So here's some advice for the unwary. If you decide to leave your money to an end-of-the-world prophet, talk to your lawyer about

So Long, It's Been Good to Know You!

Well, it's time to say goodbye. Tomorrow is the rapture, and I'm so scared of being left behind that I decided to abandon my sinful ways and give up my atheism.

I'm going to convert! I'm going to leave all my rational thinking behind and embrace faith. I'm going to be saved!

I finally realized that faith is better than science! Why have I been worshipping logical thought all these years? Just think ... if I'd waited another day the Rapture would have come and I'd be sitting here crying. Now I've seen the light, and I'm headed for Heaven!

You can do it too if you try! Just repeat after me...

I believe that there's a magical guy in the sky who created the whole universe in seven days, just a few thousand years ago. All those dinosaur bones and stuff are just there to confuse me! Who created God? I have no idea, but hey, I have faith so it doesn't matter!

I believe that in spite of being a pretty good guy all my life, working hard, raising

Evangelical Idiocy: The Death of America?

I've mentioned before that the question I get the most from family and friends is, "Why do you care so much about religion? Can't we just live and let live?"

Well, here's one of the reasons why I care: almost two thirds of Evangelical Christians are dangerously ignorant. (I want to call them dangerously stupid, but that would be too nice since it would relieve them of blame.)

A new poll about God and natural disasters revealed what I should have known already: Evangelical Christians are ignorant of science and technology. They believe things that can't possibly be true, and they vote. Not only do they vote, but some of them even get elected to positions with considerable power and responsibility.

Here is a sampling of this idiocy:

• Six in ten white Evangelicals believe that hurricanes, floods and earthquakes are signs from God that the End of Times is almost here. They don't believe in global warming. They don't believe earthquakes are just normal geology.
• A majority (53%) of white evangelicals believe that God punishes whole nations for the sins of some citizens.
• Evangelicals believe that God is actively controlling the world, and that everything that happens is because God deliberately made it happen.

What does this really mean? These might seem like harmless beliefs to

The End of the World is Here! Again!!

Egads, the end of the world is here again! A group of Christians led by Oakland, California radio preacher Harold Camping has calculated that May 21st will be the end of the world!

I'm reminded of that Mickey Mantle quote:

If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.

If I'd know the world was going to end, I might have ... well, I don't know what I would do differently.

That's the great thing about atheist philosophy. We only have one life, so we know it counts. You have to live a good life, one that matters and is moral and productive. The only thing you get to leave behind is whether you made the world a better place or a worse place. There is no forgiveness, no second chance, no "Oops, sorry about that, can you forgive me God?"

Harold Camping and his followers are running around telling everyone it's time to repent, that there is very little time left to get it right. A better philosophy is to get it right in the first place. Have good morals and you'll never have to ask for forgiveness. Live this life as though it matters, because it does.

Actually, even sadder than all that "repent" business is that some of Camping's followers

Why Didn't I Think of This??

Damn! This is such a great idea, why didn't I think of it? It's post-rapture pet care, from Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA! Imagine you're a good Christian who will be called to Jesus at the Rapture. Who's going to take care of your pets? The Atheists, of course! For a fee, that is...

Armageddon: A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?

Will the biblical prophecy of Armageddon become self-fulfilling? It's a frighteningly real possibility.

Consider this little story, about Mr. John Brandrick of Cornwall, UK, who was told he had just six months to live. Quite sensibly, Mr Brandrick quit his job, sold everything he owned, visited his children, and spent all of his money enjoying life to the fullest. Until, that is, he discovered that the doctors had made a mistake, he was actually quite healthy, just a bit of pancreatitis.

We can chuckle at poor Mr. Brandrick's dilemma – he's happy to be alive, but financially ruined and without a job – but there are MILLIONS of Christians in America today, and many millions worldwide, who are in the exact same boat as Mr. Brandrick. They already believe the End of Times is at hand, and will arrive in their lifetimes. They'll all be taken into the sky, leaving behind all of the mistakes and disasters they've caused.

One of the most frightening examples of real people who are trashing the Earth because of Christianity was James Watt, Secretary of the Interior during Ronald Regan's presidency. Because of his Christian beliefs, Watt was a vigorous opponent of environmentalism, and vastly expanded oil drilling, logging, and mining. He believed that natural resources were put here by God for humans to use, and that it was wrong not to exploit God's gift to the fullest. He famously told Congress, "I do not know how many future generations we can count on before the Lord returns," and an unverified source quotes Watt saying, "After the last tree is felled, Christ will come back."

How can a nation, or a world, possibly make rational decisions when a substantial fraction of its people believe that there is no future?