New Teenie Fad: Become an Exorcist!

Teen girls are known for fashions and fads. The hottest new line of cosmetics, the latest boy band, unzipped bluejeans that drive the boys crazy ... you never know what's going to be next. But exorcism?

"... if the forces of darkness start getting the upper hand, who should you call? Evangelist Reverend Bob Larson of Spiritual Freedom Churches International - and his remarkable school for exorcists. 'We have found that our female, teenage exorcists are particularly effective at curing the possessed,’ says Rev Larson, whose daughter Brynne is a supernaturally talented exorcist."

Brynne and her teen girlfriends, whose ages range from fifteen to nineteen, are having the time of their young lives. They get to tie their victims clients to chairs, then shout words like "Lucifer!" and "Beelzebub!" They're taught about curse breaking and chanting. Their clients yell, vomit, and even go into convulsions! What great fun.

And they're out to save us!

"I think Harry Potter and Twilight are instigators of evil,’ Savannah says. ‘They nullify morality and just serve to hook people in with evil.

I'm sure it's all great fun! And golly, they're probably the envy of all the other girls – what could be cooler than being an exorcist?

The trouble is, what they're really doing is medical quackery. These are nothing more than

Christianity Dying Faster Than Expected?

America's churches seem to be under siege and losing ground faster than anyone expected. This week was particularly bad: Christian news web sites are full of economic disaster stories right alongside stories about young people leaving churches in droves.

Here is just a sample of the top headlines at one Christian news site this morning:

• Crystal Cathedral vendors and what they're owed
• Megachurch Crystal Cathedral Ministries seeks bankruptcy protection
• Top 400 charities see billions less in donations
• Walking away from church ["...conservative politics is a turnoff to more and more young adults"]

These seem to be reflecting a theme that's getting stronger.

Pope Benedict XVI: "The Stench of Evil"

The Irish are rightfully angry at the Pope's newest apology for his priests raping their children – his holiness seems good at abject grovelling, but the Irish have noticed that the Pope forgot to kick any of his priests and bishops in the ass. The Irish might understandably want a few priests kicked forcibly out the door, but the Pope apparently forgot.

But if the latest allegations against the Pope himself prove true, things are going to get mighty interesting. It looks like the vicar of Christ on Earth himself was responsible for protecting the very priests who went on to commit some of these terrible crimes.

Did you know that a priest or bishop can be excommunicated for revealing a sex crime to law-enforcement authorities, but not for raping a child? Think about that: two men show up at the Pearly Gates. "Next! What's your sin?" "I raped a child, but I'm really sorry." "No prob, come on in. Next! What's your sin?" "I turned that last guy in to the police." "You jerk! Sinner! You traitor against Christ's own Church! Get out of here!! GOD WON'T FORGIVE YOU!"

And who do you suppose was responsible for this? Why, Archbishop Joseph Ratzinger, the man who is now the Pope.

Do Not Scatter your Ashes when you Die!

According to the Catholic Bishops, scattering your ashes when you die shows "contempt" for the Catholic faith, and encourages the idea that people become "nothingness" when they die. We wouldn't want people to think that when they're dead, they're really ... well, just dead!

And even cremation, while not prohibited, is discouraged. Never mind that Italy's cemeteries are all just about full, the good Bishops have decreed that everyone has to be buried in a cemetery, even if they're cremated. Apparently, it helps hold the Catholic Church together if you bury the dead together. (No, I'm not making that up, it's the bishops' official teaching.)

Maybe they figure the world will end pretty soon. I mean, in 10,000 years or so, won't the whole surface of the Earth be a graveyard, with no place left for the living? But if there's going to be Armageddon, it probably doesn't matter, we'll be gone before the graves take over.

I particularly like this part: The Roman Catholic Church only ended its official ban on cremation in 1963, when they finally realized that cremation does not affect the soul, "nor prevents the omnipotence of God from rebuilding the body." You'd think if God created the universe, he could put a few ashes back together for His big resurrection day. But apparently it took the Catholic Church a couple thousand years to figure this out.

I guess I'd better get Grandpa's ashes off the fireplace and hike on over to the graveyard...

Religion: Can't Stand the Heat?

A couple years ago some good friends were visiting, and in the middle of a conversation about health, the wife injected her religious beliefs about medical procedures into the conversation ... and the conversation stopped. Nobody knew what to say. As a scientific-type guy, I knew her assertion was simply wrong, and had been proved wrong by scientific experiments. But as a polite host, I couldn't exactly say, "No, your religion is mistaken about that, your beliefs are false."

When religion comes up in social situations, it's as though you're in a boxing ring, and just before the first round, the ref tells you, "Oh, by the way, you can't hit your opponent, you might hurt him!" And just as you are replying that a good honest boxing match is pretty much why you're here, the bell rings and the fight starts...

That's the position many agnostics and atheists face any time they try to have an open, fair and honest debate with theists. For some reason, it's considered a huge faux pas to challenge them outright, to tell someone that you believe their religion is simply wrong. It's like being in a boxing match where you're prohibited from landing a punch.

Why is this? Why is it OK to tell someone their political beliefs are misguided, or that their sports team is a bunch of losers, or that your town is better than their town, but you're not allowed to say anything bad about their religion?

Most of our beliefs are fair game for a good argument. Intelligent people like to debate, and among friends it's not considered bad manners to challenge one another, even sometimes vigorously. It's part of what makes modern democracies work so well, and of what makes life interesting.

But not religions. They're off limits. You'd have no problem telling a good friend, "Your Republican President started a cruel war," or, "Your Democratic President was immoral!" But tell a Christian, "Your God started a cruel war," or "You Catholics have immoral priests," and suddenly you are the pariah. Not God, or the Catholic priests, but you.

It's really an unfortunate and inappropriate "get out of jail free" card for religions. Legally, they can hide behind "separation of church and state." (See my recent blogs about scientology and Catholic priests.) Financially, they're non-profit corporations, but they're trying to change the law that bans non-profits from politics. And socially, they have this "special protection" that holds them to a different standard of criticism than any other topic.

We shouldn't fall for this. Your religious beliefs and mine should be just as valid a topic for dinnertime debate as the next election or the Superbowl.

Scientology Conviction: Why Not Here in the USA Too?

Finally, Scientology is convicted in France for its crimes: The courts say it's just a good old con game. The French courts saw through their religion ruse. According to the French court's verdict, they're guilty of organized fraud, and the court fined the church $600,000 for its criminal activities. For the first time, the church itself (in addition to a number of individuals) has been convicted of a crime.

This was only possible in France because Scientology couldn't hide behind the special protection that religion gets in the United States. Here, the church can claim all sorts of immunity from discovery, and when prosecutors do go after the Scientologists, they scream persecution. But in France, Scientology is classified as a cult, not a religion.

This conviction leads me to wonder: Why should churches get any special consideration under United States law? If the Constitution says Congress shall make "no law" about religion, doesn't that mean churches have to be treated just like any other nonprofit organization?

Let's say that some other non-profit like Greenpeace, or maybe Mother's Against Drunk Driving, were tricking their members into turning over thousands of dollars to participate in purification rituals and to buy vitamins that can be bought over the counter for a few dollars. Wouldn't we expect the government to press charges? Why is it that by claiming to be a religion, the criminal nature of such fraudulent activities evaporates?

If religion is to be truly free of government interference, then they should be subject to the exact same laws as any other organization. Their books should be subject to auditing, their communications should be subject to discovery during legal proceedings, and their leaders should be accountable in the eyes of the law.

After all, if the services they offer are legitimate, they shouldn't be afraid of scrutiny. Only hucksters need to hide.

Catholic Priests: Constitution Cuts Both Ways

Here is a twist: separation of church and state cuts both ways, it seems. A Catholic Priest, angry because he was accused of molesting two boys, sued them for defamation. But the U.S. Constitution, which the Church has used as a shield, cut the other way this time. His case was thrown out because the only way the court case could go forward was to examine how the Church investigates its own clergy. Such an examination, said the court, would violate the separation clause of the Constitution.

So the priest is out of luck. The Roman Catholic Church removed him from his pulpit because there was "reasonable" evidence to conclude he'd molested the boys. He apparently wasn't convicted in criminal court, so legally he's innocent. If his employer was anything except a church, he could have his day in court. But if he wasn't a priest, he'd probably be in jail.

There's no happy ending to this story, but at least for once the Constitution's separation clause protected someone from a clergyman's vengeance.

Pope Makes a Mistake??

His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI is supposed to have a direct line to God ... so how is it that the Pope "did not know about British Bishop Richard Williamson's views" about the Holocaust before lifting the Bishop's excommunication?

Maybe I'm confused, but I always thought the deal with being Pope was that you were God's own spokesman for all matters of Christianity here on Earth. Is birth control moral in God's eyes? Abortion? Eating meat on Fridays? Ask the Pope, and he'll ask God, and the answer that comes back is absolute – it becomes a sin when the pope says it's a sin, and nobody can contradict the Pope. After all, that would be the same as contradicting God himself, right?

If the Roman Catholic Church is trying to maintain this claim, then it's hard to understand how the Pope could rescind the excommunication of an anti-Semitic Holocaust denier. Surely the Pope doesn't approve of Bishop Williamson's beliefs. Which can only mean one of four things:

1. The Pope prayed for guidance, and God tricked him.
2. God hates Jews and wanted a Holocaust denier in the Roman Catholic Church
3. The Pope prayed for guidance, but didn't listen to what God said, or
4. The Pope makes decisions just like the rest of us, using the facts at hand, which are sometimes flawed.

I'd like to think it was #1, because if there is a God he surely must have a twisted sense of humor, given how His world came out.

But, realistically, the more boring conclusion that the Pope is really just an ordinary CEO of a big corporation, and sometimes he gets bad advice from his staff. He makes mistakes, just like the rest of us. And while he's praying, he might be hearing something, but it's just his own brain talking to him.

To Pope Benedict XVI's credit, he did the right thing in the end: He is demanding that Bishop Williamson recant his outrageous claims and admit that the Holocaust did happen, before the Church will lift the excommunication. I applaud the Pope and the rest of the Church's leaders for admitting the error and quickly correcting it.

Tags: catholic holocaust excommunication pope Benedict