Vatican Screws Up, Fires Half of its Priests

Vatican officials today made the "shocking" discovery that they'd accidentally ordered almost all of their priests to quit, apparently due to a bureaucratic snafu that insiders attribute to poor interdepartmental communication.

The calamity started earlier this week when Panorama, a weekly Italian magazine, published a huge exposé (not safe for work, adult content) The Wild Night of Gay Priests... (here's the English translation).

The calamity started when the Roman Diocese urged the gay priest to "leave the closet" and the priesthood too. But someone forgot to tell the Diocese that somewhere between 50% (the low estimate) and 98% of the priests in the Vatican are gay. Word finally got through but by then it was too late – the halls were empty, and the Pope couldn't find even one priest to bring him his morning coffee.

OK, enough poking fun. The Panorama exposé really did happen,