Saturday, January 22, 2011

Dead Birds! God Hates Homos! ... oh wait, the US government killed the birds

Remember that old joke, "Psychic conference cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances"? Well, here's another one.

Over the last few weeks, thousands of birds have fallen from the sky for no apparent reason. But Cindy Jacobs over at the Generals International is a prophet, with not one, but two PhDs in theology! And Dr. Cindy figured it out: God is pissed about that gay marriage thing that Bill Clinton started back in Arkansas that's now now infected our military:
But the blackbirds fell to the ground in Beebe, Arkansas. Well the Governor of Arkansas' name is Beebe. And also, there was something put out of Arkansas called "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" by a former Governor, this was proposed, Bill Clinton. As so, could there be a connection between this passage [Hosea 4] and now that we've had the repeal of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell, where people now legally in the United States have broken restraints with the Scripture because the Scripture says in Romans 1 that homosexuality is not allowed.
Egads, we should have been more careful! Why, if we'd known God would be so angry, we'd could have kicked all those homosexuals out of our army (never mind that they're brave, dedicated patriots risking their lives for us) and saved ourselves from being hit on the heads by falling birds!

And ... what's that? You say the government poisoned those birds? On purpose? Oops.

It seems the real story is that the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) poisoned the birds because they were terrorizing a feed lot, defecating in the feed grain and threatening to sicken the farm animals. The USDA officials were mostly surprised that the birds managed to fly ten miles away before they died. And unfortunately, the poison seemed to take effect rather suddenly, causing the birds to literally fall from the sky dead, just dive face first into the snow, dead as a doornail. It freaked people out.

Now wouldn't you think someone with true prophetic powers would have known that? And am I the only one who finds this woman's voice incredibly annoying?

01-05-11 GI News from Generals International on Vimeo.

(Thanks to Rho-sama for the link.)


  1. This woman's voice has that Christian-y, self-righteous whine that makes wish she was poisoned by the USDA instead of a bunch of lovely blackbirds.

  2. And to think about the bunch of fools that bought that "God is taking revenge on the birds" crap.

    Sorry, "God is using bird carcasses to take revenge on humanity".

  3. I heard the same argument from a co-worker after the quake and tsunami in 2004. It was stunning to hear a Christian explain that God was punishing Muslims with a tsunami for not being Christians. Must be nice to have a wrathful God on your side who loves you and would never do that to YOU.

  4. It doesn't take much to rub God the wrong way. He needs meds and an enema.


Dear readers -- I am no longer blogging and after leaving these blogs open for two years have finally stopped accepting comments due to spammers. Thanks for your interest. If you'd like to write to me, click on the "Contact" link at the top. Thanks! -- CJ.

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