God Burns Widow's House, But Saves His Own Stuff

The headline says it all: Firefighters say Bible pulled from burned house is 'a miracle'.

"A family is counting their blessings tonight after an early morning fire in Dearing, GA destroyed most of their home. But one pretty special item was left unscathed ... Bernice Hunt's Bible was pulled from the ashes without a charred edge or a burnt page. The only damage at all was a little moisture from the fire hoses."

So let me see if I get this. God decided to burn this woman's house to the ground. He let all of her possessions go up in smoke. She already lost her husband, has cancer, and had open-heart surgery ... presumably God was responsible for all of that too.

So what 'miracle' does God perform for this poor, sick widow? He saves his own Holy Bible from the flames!

I mean, after all, it is His own word, isn't it? I guess if I were

Truth has a Liberal Bias!

Those damned college professors! They're always teaching the facts! And everyone knows that Truth has a liberal bias. Well, these students aren't taking it lying down:

Conservative College Students Launch Website to Battle Liberal Academia

What courage! Real conservatives, standing up to those liberal professors ... but wait ...

Alas, it turns out these students aren't really concerned about conservative politics. They're Christians, and they're angry that the professors don't respect their beliefs, which probably include creationism, suppression of homosexuality, and the subjugation of women. According to Editor-in-Chief Zachary Freeman:

"I think perhaps we (as a nation) have lost our faith and our understanding. The College Conservative works to indirectly promote the biblical truths."

In other words, they want

Why Christianity is in Trouble: Halloween!

Christianity is in trouble, with church attendance falling and faith weakening across the nation. What are they going to do to save the faith? Well, some of the more clever conservative Christians figured out a solution: Piss off kids on Halloween! Drop Bibles and religious tracts into their candy bags! Tell them they're sinners! Halloween is devil worship!

Yeah, that's sure to pull those kids into church next Sunday.

Seriously, they're doing this. USA Today is reporting that the American Tract Society (ATS) published Peek-A-Boo, Jesus Loves You! (Yes, ATS really exists ... I always wondered where all those tracts came from.)

But up in Calgary, they're going one better. Those

Atheist Group Rips out Bible Pages to Demonstrate Morality

I usually start my day by scanning the news headlines looking for something good to blog about. Imagine my surprise this morning when I discovered that the Christian Post was ranting about the very same group that invited me as their monthly speaker this coming Thursday!

Bruce Gleason and the Backyard Skeptics of Orange County had a great idea. The Bible is full of immoral laws that no decent modern Christian or Jew would follow. Why not remove them from the Bible? For example:

Gay Student Ousted from Christian Choir

In an article subtitled "Standing Firm," a Christian "Good News" site tells the rather sad story of a young gay man who was ousted from Psalms 100, a Christian Choir at the University of North Carolina whose mission is "to spread the joy of the Lord through song." You can probably tell that the article was a bit slanted by the subtitle "Standing Firm."

Most of the students and faculty are properly outraged at this Christian group that professes God's love but rejects one of their own because God chose (or so they believe) to make the man gay. It's discriminatory and appears to violate the University's anti-discrimination policy.

But they're missing the point.

The real problem is religion itself. As long as we have religions that teach mythology as fact, morality is absolute and only from God, and feelings and faith are more important than rational thinking, then we're going to have this sort of bigotry. It's not that they're misinterpreting the Bible: their whole way of thinking is wrong.

Christians, Jews and Muslims are taught from an early age to accept authority without question, to ignore obvious contradictions and hypocrisy, and to value faith over rational thought. They're taught that their holy books, which contain thousands of contradictions, errors of fact, and clearly immoral lessons, are actually

Is Christianity Dying? ... and Ninety-Nine Other Best Blogs

I have a new book available on Kindle!

Only 99 cents!

How can you go wrong? From the preface:

"Who would have guessed back in June of 2008 that I'd be writing my five hundredth blog with no end in sight? And I never expected The Religion Virus to be in the top ten religion books on Amazon.com's Kindle bestsellers list, as well as bouncing around between first and fifth in agnosticism and religious history. (Religious history? That's unexpected!)

"So why should you buy a collection of ninety-nine blogs that you can get for free on my web site? Because it's just a penny per blog, and we sorted the wheat from the chaff for you. You get to read the good stuff without having to wade through the blogs that should have been used to wrap fish. How can you beat that? (And there is actually one original never-before-published blog in here!)

"Like most bloggers, I don't hit one out of the park every day. But every now and then I write something pretty good. Some of these became very popular and pegged my traffic meter. Those were fun. But the ones I like best are the ones that evoked thoughtful responses, rebuttals and questions from my readers. When someone takes the time to argue with me, I know I'm making a difference."

New readers will find this a handy way to read the best of these blogs. Or if you're one of my faithful loyalists,

Bible Thumper Arrested for Preaching to DMV Line

Here's a little fun for the Friday fishwrap: a Bible-thumper finds a captive audience of people waiting in line outside a government office and starts reading the Bible in a loud voice. He refuses to leave when asked, and is arrested a few minutes later by the California Highway Patrol.

What happens next? Why, the video goes viral on YouTube of course!

I don't know about you, but I don't want to be preached at by a religious fanatic when I have to do business with my government. If a preacher is shouting on a street corner,

Bin Laden Burial Illustrates Why Religion Sucks

In one concise phrase, The Huffington post summed up the core problem of religion. In an article about Osama bin Laden's burial, they wrote (emphasis added):

Although there appears to be some room for debate over the burial – as with many issues within the faith – a wide range of senior Islamic scholars interpreted it as a humiliating disregard for the standard Muslim practice of placing the body in a grave with the head pointed toward the holy city of Mecca.

Religious people claim that their Bible, Torah or Qur'an contain the answers to all questions of morality and law. They say we poor humans are incapable of knowing right from wrong, so God has provided us with all of the answers.

If that's true, then why is it so hard to figure out how to bury Osama bin Laden's body?

If God was so clever and wrote everything down for us in black and white, why does every question have a dozen "scholars" with a dozen different opinions? It seems to me that the rituals

Armageddon? Or Just an Earthquake?

Here we go again. God screws things up for no apparent reason, kills ten thousand, leaves hundreds of thousands homeless, and we have to clean up after him. He's angry! He's warning us!

Or ... maybe it was just another earthquake.

We need to set a new scientific standard: it's the smallest possible measurable increment of time known to science. It's defined as the almost-infinitesimal interval between when an earthquake ends and some religious ass declares it part of God's divine prophecies in the Holy Bible. Since the Japan earthquake, millions of blogs linking Japan and Biblical prophecy have popped up. It's disgusting.

Here's one of the worst, brought to you by the professional jerk known as Glenn Beck:

You can't see the connections here. I'm not saying God is causing earthquakes. I'm not not saying that either. What God does is God's business. ... But I'll tell you this. Whether you call it Gaia, or whether you call it Jesus, there's a message being sent! And that is, "Hey, you know that stuff we're doing? It's not really working out. Maybe we should stop doing some of it. *laughs* I'm just saying. ... Buckel up! Buckel up 'cause it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Beck ought to be ashamed of himself for capitalizing on the plight of the Japanese.

And so should everyone else who thinks this is Biblical prophecy. It's utter

Christian Memes on the Battlefield: Is Gandhi Going to Hell?

Pastor Rob Bell, a leading liberal Christian, dropped a bomb on the Evangelical right-wing faction of Christianity. Bell is calling the right-wing evalgelical ideas of Heaven, Hell, redemption and torture misguided and toxic. He is calling out the Evangelical right for their preposterous and indefensible concept of the afterlife.

Bell is saying that there are (*gasp*) other ways to Heaven than Evangelical Christianity! The blasphemy!

The Evangelical right's vision of Hell is one of the best tools in their toolbox, and it's no wonder they're upset about Bell's challenge. Of all the tricks that keep people going to church, the idea of eternal damnation and torture is

Bible Prohibits Homosexuality? WHO CARES?

Once again the Bible is proving how it wastes careers, holds back our culture and should be abandoned as a source of morality.

Professor Jennifer Wright Knust's new book, Unprotected Texts: The Bible’s Surprising Contradictions about Sex and Desire, and her recent blog on CNN both purport to show that the Bible does not actually prohibit homosexuality. She claims that the message is ambiguous at best, and that there are many passages that actually condone same-sex relationships.

I'm sure it's no surprise to anyone that her book and blog have provoked many responses from conservative Christians. Perhaps the most scholarly reply is this one by Professor Robert A. J. Gagnon. The good professor has written not one, but two books that prove that the Bible condemns homosexuality.

And you know what? We don't care!

This debate is just another illustration of why the Bible shouldn't be anyone's

The Jews were Pagans?

I had a weird dream ... I was transported back 4,000 years and got to meet Abraham, the patriarch of all Judaism and Christianity! It was so exiting ... I was about to find out the truth about the Judeao-Christian patriarch and God himself!

But ... it wasn't quite what I expected ... did you know he and his wife Sarah were pagans? Polytheists? What a shock...

It started like this...

"You must have been overwhelmed in the glow of God's love and kindness!"

"Actually, he was pretty harsh." said Abraham, stroking his beard. "You know, you have to be pretty careful what you say when He is around. He's got quite a temper."

"A temper? But He is a forgiving, loving God!"

Abraham gave a chuckle. "Who told you that, son? You should see what He did to Sodom and Gomorrah! And that business telling me I had to sacrifice my son? And only stopping me at the last second? That wasn't much fun."

"No, well ... I suppose not. But he was just testing you! And you were loyal! I'm so in awe. But he is God Almighty, and

Dead Birds! God Hates Homos! ... oh wait, the US government killed the birds

Remember that old joke, "Psychic conference cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances"? Well, here's another one.

Over the last few weeks, thousands of birds have fallen from the sky for no apparent reason. But Cindy Jacobs over at the Generals International is a prophet, with not one, but two PhDs in theology! And Dr. Cindy figured it out: God is pissed about that gay marriage thing that Bill Clinton started back in Arkansas that's now now infected our military:

But the blackbirds fell to the ground in Beebe, Arkansas. Well the Governor of Arkansas' name is Beebe. And also, there was something put out of Arkansas called "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" by a former Governor, this was proposed, Bill Clinton. As so, could there be a connection between this passage [Hosea 4] and now that we've had the repeal of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell, where people now legally in the United States have broken restraints with the Scripture because the Scripture says in Romans 1 that homosexuality is not allowed.

Egads, we should have been more careful! Why, if we'd known God would be so angry, we'd could have kicked all those homosexuals out of our army (never mind that they're brave, dedicated patriots risking their lives for us) and saved ourselves from being hit on the heads by falling birds!

And ... what's that? You say the government poisoned those birds? On purpose? Oops.

It seems the real story is that

God Gets D- on Bible Project

HOLY BIBLE:
D-
Poorly written and confusing. Repetitive and contradictory - get to the point!
Some good stuff, but you're not getting through.
Please see me - you need to repeat this class.
(This is philosophy not mythology!)

Christian Beliefs Disqualify Congressman on Global Warming

Today we find yet another example of why scientists, moderate theists, humanists and atheists should all join together to fight the scourge of religious ignorance. It's good for us to respect the beliefs of others, but there are limits. When religion threatens our welfare, when it threatens to damage the entire Earth, it's time to put a stop to it.

United States Congressional Representative John Shimkus (R-IL) is trying to become the chairman of the House Energy and Commerce committee. Here's what Shimkus has to say about global warming:

"I believe [the Bible] is the infallible word of God, and that's the way it is going to be for his creation. ... The earth will end only when God declares its time to be over. Man will not destroy this earth. This earth will not be destroyed by a flood."

To make his point, Shimkus cites Genesis, the part where God promised Noah that once was enough:

Biblical and Constitutional Inerrancy: Why the Tea Party is so Crazy

A few days ago I wrote that the Tea Baggers seem to live in an alternate reality. And today, I'm pleased to announce that I figured out why.

The Tea Party's alternate reality arises from the Doctrine of Constitutional Inerrancy, the belief that the United States Constitution is perfect and its authors are practically saints.

My "Aha!" moment came when I realized that Constitutional Inerrancy is a side effect of a belief in Biblical Inerrancy, the idea that the Bible is God's literal word, perfect in every way. The Tea Party has apparently extended that hollow philosophy to our Constitution and its authors. It's a new quasi-religion.

It's no surprise that these two beliefs go together. Willingness to accept authority and take things on faith

South Carolina: Prison Bans All Books ... Except Bible

OK, folks, this is 2010. Don't they know how to read in South Carolina? Haven't they seen a newspaper or magazine in the last hundred or two years?

The ACLU has been forced to sue the Berkeley County jail in Moncks Corner to end the prison's blatantly illegal policy that bans all reading material ... except for the Bible. Inmates are allowed to have softback Bibles, but only if they are sent directly from the publisher. They can't have Qur'ans, or even Prison Legal News, which carries articles about prisoner rights and legal news. And I'm sure you can imagine what the prison warden would say if a prisoner wanted a copy of something atheist or secular like my book!

I can sort of understand that the sheriff in a rural South Carolina town might have out-of-date Christian bigotry. It's a surprising anachronism, but this is a big country. What I don't understand is why they'd ban all reading material. It seems to me that a good Sheriff would encourage inmates to read self-help books, or read just to entertain themselves and become more literate.

Hats off to the ACLU, which once again has to fight a battle in a war that should have been over fifty years ago.

Divorce: Why Christians don't care about YOU

There's a new Christian movement to "get tough on divorce," which sounds great. We all agree that divorce is bad. But when I read the details, I was surprised, almost horrified, at its anti-family tone. You'd think getting tough on divorce meant supporting families, but it turns out to be the opposite. As far as I can tell, it's a "Don't embarrass your Church" campaign.

Christians have a commendable respect for family, marriage and the importance of children. In fact, they often want to claim the high road, that those who embrace God and Jesus are inherently better parents and have happier, healthier families. Organizations like "Focus on Family" even make claims like this:

"The panel first suggested that newlyweds should establish and maintain a Christ-centered home. Everything rests on that foundation. If a young husband and wife are deeply committed to Jesus Christ, they enjoy enormous advantages over a family with no spiritual dimension."

Unfortunately, the facts don't bear this out. The most religious Christians are the most likely to get divorced! (For more information see Southern Baptist Convention's Resolution On The Scandal Of Southern Baptist Divorce, which lays it out in detail.)

Well, enough is enough. They've decided to Get Tough on Divorce.

On the surface this seems like a laudable mission. Divorce is a terrible time for a family. It's a time of broken dreams, a time when love turns to bitterness and often hate, and when children's idyllic vision of parental love and home stability is shattered.

But when you read Southern Baptist Theological Seminary president Rev. Albert Mohler's key essay, none of that seems to matter. His writings, and all the others I could find, are strangely devoid of any concern for the actual families. Instead, you find stuff like this:

Christians Beaten by Atheists, Jews and Mormons on Biblical Knowledge

The Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life just published an interesting new survey about how much Americans really know about religions. Much to everyone's surprise, the atheists and agnostics came out on top!

The headlines are filled with stuff like Atheists Outdo Some Believers (NY Times) or Atheists and Agnostics Know More About the Bible than Religious (National Public Radio).

But not so fast! It turns out that Atheists didn't really win, it was more like Christians lost. The atheist/agnostic category got the best score at 20.9 out of 32 questions. But look at how it really went down:

Send Pastor Terry Jones to Afghanistan to Burn a Quran

I have the perfect solution for Pastor Terry Jones! Let's give him a ride to downtown Kabul in Afghanistan, and give him a Quran and a book of matches. Then we'll see just how committed to Christ and the Bible he really is!

I'll bet General Petraeus, who has strongly condemned Jones, would be happy to help out. Why, I'll bet Petraeus would love to give Jones a ride in a nice, fast jet straight from Florida to the front lines.

But maybe Petraeus doesn't want to rile things up in Afghanistan – who could blame him? So here's a better idea: Pakistan. It seems the United States Embassy in Pakistan has also condemned Jones for his self-centered, unpatriotic and foolhardy grandstanding. I'll bet they'd be glad to give him a ticket to Pakistan. The embassy could take Jones down to the center of Islamabad, hand him a Quran (they have a lot of Qurans in Pakistan) and a match, and let Jones do his grandstanding there!

It seems to me if Jones is really committed to Jesus and his Bible,