Monday, October 17, 2011

California Law Makes it a Crime to Plan to Gamble in Nevada!

Taking inspiration from H.R. 313 (the "drug trafficking" bill that makes it illegal to plan or discuss smoking marijuana in Amsterdam, even though it's legal there), the State of California today made it a crime to plan a trip to Nevada to gamble, even though it's legal to gamble in Nevada.

"We're tired of Nevada's gambling casinos ruining the lives of California citizens," said Governor Jerry Brown. "From now on, if a Californian wants to go see Wayne Newton singing at the Tropicana, and happens to drop a quarter in the slots on the way to the show, that's fine. But by golly, if they even think about gambling before they head for The Strip, we want them to know they're going to jail for violating California law."

Governor Brown outlined plans to question all motorists and airline passengers entering Nevada. "A system of airport security stations and highway border-crossing stations will be built to ensure that California citizens aren't planning to gamble," said the governor. "They're only allowed to think about gambling once they've arrived."

Several other states are lining up to criminalize the travel-planning business:Governor Brown applauded his fellow governors for these "courageous new laws" inspired by H.R. 313.

When questioned about gamblers who might evade the California gambling-conspiracy ban by traveling to Nevada via Oregon or Arizona, Brown sounded positively gleeful. "That's conspiring to gamble, conspiring to hide the conspiracy, and crossing state lines to commit a conspiracy. We'll nail 'em to the wall!"

Critics of these new laws point out that they will face Constitutional challenges. But Governor Brown was quick to respond. "Are they conspiring to prevent passage of this law?"


  1. This sounds like The Onion.

  2. Ha Ha Ha Ha. Oh, wait! You serious. Let me laugh even harder. HA! HA! HA! HA!

    I thought this came straight from The Onion, too. LOL

  3. If it's not a joke, it's very badly written.

  4. Thought crimes and world police, all in one bill.

  5. Two lines in this entry almost made my head explode,"They're only allowed to think about gambling once they've arrived." What? They can prosecute for thoughts?How will they know if you are lying?"are you planning to gamble?"me"NO! glory be!"all the time i'm planning to gamble,whore,and drink like a S.M.F.
    The second line that got me,"Minnesota will finally be able to prosecute men and women who conspire to sleep without their pajamas in New York." Really? Minnesota does bed checks then?
    In times like these you'd think they(the political"Leaders" )could find less silly things to do with our time.
    like prosecuting the bankers who crashed our economy,and took billions of our money,only to leave things set up for another crash.
    HA! Pajamas...*shakes head*

  6. Just in case anyone didn't get it, this whole article is a parody. It's making fun of H.R 313, which actual IS moving through Congress, and is as absurd as this spoof about California.

    If you think my made-up California anti-gambling law is ridiculous, you should call you Senators and Representatives and tell them to throw H.R. 313 on to the garbage heap where it belongs.

  7. Funny parody, but why attribute fake quotes to real people?


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